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Still jealous
9:41 p.m. - Friday, Sept. 07, 2001
Still Jealousnibble,nibble bite,bite Nibble,Nibble Bite,Bite NIBBLE,NIBBLE BITE,BITE Help me! Help me! Help me! Please! anger,jealousy,bitterness,confusion, what evil is this I try to appease? Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! NOW! its pulling me under, taking me in, I try to fight but fight it how? This demon feeling overcoming me, I try to fight, I try to plead. I know its wrong, I know, I see, I fight back hard it makes me bleed. I scream, I shout, I kick, I yell, draggin me down to its pit of hell. I stop and think and start to pray, Tomorrow there is always another day.
Tonight is my night for the kids, unfortunately I have to work tomorrow so they stayed with their grandpa tonight. So now I am sitting all alone with nothing to do but think and stare at this computer screen. I think all day and think all night, my brain is starting to get tired. Not to mention the fact I am only getting about 3 hours of sleep each night. So I am sitting here thinking that I am all alone tonight. Tammy Soon has to work and she will get off at 9 p.m or so tonight. Then it starts in again. I figure I am alone, her house is empty because the kids are at gramps, she is going to bring a guy home isn't she? It proceeds further by me thinking~~Maybe I should drive by her work and see if she leaves with a guy. Maybe I should drive by her house late tonight to see if anyone is there with her. Maybe I should go by the local bar she is fond of inhabiting while I watch the kids. Of course I will not do any of these things but I can't help thinking them anyway. Hmmmmm....
A little background info on me. I was the oldest of 4 children, 2 boys and 2 girls. I was raised Catholic and taught to respect women and relationships.
In my mind we are still married untill the divorce is signed, sealed, and delivered. In her mind...Who knows. She obviously thinks it is ok to date otherwise she wouldn't.I don't know if it is the fact that she wants to date that drives me crazy or the fact that she wants to date so soon after she moved out. I don't know if it is the fact that she has someone to go out with and I don't or that it just boggles my mind that we were married 7 years and now she wants no part of me. I really don't know much of anything lately. I just move on one foot then another. I know this will all pass but it just seems to have passed pretty quick for her. Of course that makes me think maybe she has been involved with someone for awhile. It makes me think..............
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